The Scarred, the Wounded, and the Healer
by CandyDoris
Summary: A soul is scarred, an angel is wounded, and a heart heals. Who are they? They are all connected in some way as the Scarred can't live past the memory of his angel; the angel cannot let go of her past life, and the heart must find a way to heal herself as
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Scarred, the Wounded, and the Healer  
  
Author: Candyglory  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Just borrowing the characters and doing my evil way with em.  
  
Summary: A soul is scarred, an angel is wounded, and a heart heals. Who are they? They are all connected in some way or form as the Scarred can't live past the memory of his angel; the angel cannot let go of her past life, and the heart must find a way to heal herself as well as the scars and wounds of others.  
  
Author's note: Although this will be written in the third person point of view, most parts will include a POV from each of the three main characters: the scarred, the wounded, and the healer.  
  
************************  
  
The Wounded, the Scarred, and the Healer  
  
The Scarred.  
  
The heated rain pounded on the lone figure with droplets of angry daggers falling from the black sky above. It was a war of anger, it was a war of hurt, it was an eternal battle between one man and the infinite skies above. Whatever he did to deserve the hits that he received, he did not know. Nor he would ever know why the skies above had unleashed their furry upon him. Strike after strike, knockdown after knockdown but still he was alive. Why? Why was he alive? Every morning he'd wake up begging the greater powers that bestowed this fury upon him to just take him, kill him, do their way with him. He begged the ground beneath him to open up its underground gates and swallow him whole. But he wasn't that lucky. No, he couldn't be; for every day he'd wake up and discover he wasn't dead yet.he was still alive.  
  
Life. Death. Was there a difference? Who ever said that life consisted in a beating heart apparently had never suffered from the aches of life. But the skies above him knew.they knew he was aching, they knew he was hurt, they knew he was a dead man living. And yet, they wouldn't take him away; they didn't stop his beating heart. They'd strike him time and time again, hurt him more times than he could count, they'd do anything but take the pain away. Couldn't they see he was already wounded? Couldn't they see that he was The Scarred?  
  
The lone figure trembled as cold shivers penetrated through his skin and greeted his fragile bones. His soaked clothes hugged him like a second skin as he stood before her grave. Not the faintest echoes from the city were heard at the silent grave; and other than him, not the slightest proof of life existed there. It was just him and nature like always.him and nature engaged in a never-ending war.  
  
At his thought of war, the skies grew angrier and plunged down with greater fury, the droplets stabbing his cold body with all their might. The skies roared in thunder and the heavy blanket of clouds ended up covering the once-heated sun, covering the little light that had been left in the dark graveyard. And finally, after all the strikes and after all the never-ended darkness, the young man surrendered. His knees betrayed him as he slumped down to the muddy ground and allowed his pain-filled sobs to dominate his entire being.  
  
"You lied!" he screamed as his sobs shook through his body.  
  
"You Lied to ME! You lied! You lied! You lied!" he repeated in anger as he looked up at the heavens and banged his fists against the muddy ground.  
  
"You told me you'd always be there for me," he screamed. The skies answered with another roar of thunder as the young man broke down. The young man looked up again at the gray and heavy sky and shook his head as more anger swept through his fragile body.  
  
"No! You lied! Where are you now? Huh?" the lone figure questioned. "Tell me! Where are you now?"  
  
This time, the skies did not answer his call. The roars of thunder were gone; instead, the sound of silence dominated the graveyard and left the young man's question unanswered.  
  
"Answer Me!" he yelled, pounding his fists harder against the ground.  
  
Again, silence greeted his demand.  
  
The young man starred at the skies and sniffled at the silence. It never answered when he most wanted it. It knew him well, it knew how to hurt him, and it knew his weaknesses. It always came when it was uncalled for, hitting him when it most hurt and leaving him alone when he most needed answers.  
  
Several minutes passed and still there was silence. The droplets of rain that had plunged down in masses earlier were now just a memory printed clearly on the wet ground and the several puddles of mud. Tired of the cold, tired of the silence, or maybe just tired of the pain, he surrendered once again to the skies above and their deadly strikes of silence. He got up, wiped his tears, and left behind the single red rose he had brought for her.  
  
He put his hands in his wet pockets and started to walk away. He'd come back again tomorrow just like he had done for the last 7 months. He'd fight again in a couple of seconds just like he had done since he had lost her.  
  
Coming up to the golden gates and reaching toward the handle, he turned his head back for the last time and landed his gaze on the lonely tombstone. "You lied to me, my love. You told me that we'd always be together, but we still aren't."  
  
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?  
The Lord took her away from me  
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good  
So I can see my baby when I leave this world  
  
We were out on a date in my daddy's car  
We hadn't driven very far  
There in the road, straight ahead  
A car was stalled, the engine was dead  
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right  
I'll never forget, the sound that night  
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass  
The painful scream that I heard last  
  
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?  
The Lord took her away from me  
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good  
So I can see my baby when I leave this world  
  
When I woke up the rain was pouring down  
There were people standing all around  
Something warm, flowing through my eyes  
But somehow I found, my baby that night  
I lifted her head she looked at me and said  
"Hold me darling just a little while"  
I held her close I kissed her our last kiss  
I found the love that I knew I had missed  
Well now she's gone even though I hold her tight  
I lost my love, my life, that night  
  
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?  
The Lord took her away from me  
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good  
So I can see my baby when I leave this world  
  
Woh woh woh woh  
Woh woh woh woh  
Woh woh woh woh  
Woh woh woh woh  
  
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh  
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh  
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh  
Ohh Ohh Ohh Ohh  
  
*********  
  
The Wounded...  
  
"But...but we are!" she sighed. It had been seven months and he still did not feel her. She was right by his side as he did everything.but he did not feel her. He did not feel her hugging him tightly as his body rocked with sobs each night. He did not feel her kissing his scar as he looked at himself in the mirror. He did not feel her sitting on his desk and helping him through all his paperwork in the office. He most likely also did not feel her as she curled up right next to his body all these cold winter nights.  
  
He did not feel her. He always visited her at her grave, bringing with him a single red rose. He believed that he could find her at the grave; but he was wrong. She was not in the grave; she was by his side. She was his angel. Did he know he had an angel? She had promised him they'd always be together. Did he doubt her words? Did he doubt her promise?  
  
He hurt her and he did not know it. He hurt her by not feeling her. He hurt her by doubting her promise. Her loss pained him, it ached him, it left him hallow inside. But did he know it left her hallow as well? Did he know that being miserable made her miserable as well? She had seen him fight a war with nature, a war with destiny. She had felt it when he stumbled over and over again. She died time and time again every time he would wake up hoping to die.  
  
She was not gone. How could she leave? How could she leave and leave him behind? He needed her and she would turn her back against heaven if it meant that she would be there for him one more time. She was his angel. She was here, right next to him but he did not feel her; he did not feel his angel and that thought left her wounded.  
  
She leaned her head on his shoulder as he walked through the streets of Roswell. The night's chill made its presence known to the Roswell's inhabitants as it made its way into their bodies, into their heart. Nevertheless, she still walked by his side as he wandered around in the midnight hours of this cold winter night. It had started becoming a habit of his. Every night since the accident he would visit her grave, he would offer a single red rose, and then wander around the streets of Roswell. She guessed it helped him clear his mind.or maybe helped him fill his mind with thoughts and reflections.  
  
Having reached his destination, he came to a stop at the park and sat down in one of the white benches. He leaned his head back and starred at the stars. She looked intently at him and looked up at the stars as well. Sometimes, she would give anything just to know what he was thinking. Even after death, he still never ceased to puzzle her. But this time as he looked up at the stars, she had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking. Even though his eyes were now closed, she would recognize that look anywhere. The way his brows scrunched up, deep in concentration; the way his shoulders stopped fighting a war and slumped; the dark aura that hugged him as he got lost in thought.it was her. He was thinking about her.  
  
She sighed and sat down next to him, cuddling really close to him to dismiss the midnight chill. It had stopped raining a while ago and the skies were now clearing but the droplets of rain had not vanished without first leaving behind the memory of their scent in the midnight air. It was okay, she guessed; as long as they were together it would all be okay. She leaned her head on his shoulder and wrapped her small hand around his body. Cupping his face gently, she brought her lips next to his for a tender Goodnight Kiss.  
  
Perhaps he felt her, or perhaps it was the wind's whisper what relaxed his body to sleep. But they stayed that way. All through the night, they stayed together just the way it should have been. She stayed with him; watching him and keeping away the demons that haunted him in his wake just like she had every single night. She guarded him all through the night, making sure to bring him comfort and give him sweet dreams. After all, she was his angel. If she couldn't stop his hurt during waking hours, she would be sure to take away all his ache in his dreams.  
  
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
While you're far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Every moment spent with you  
Is a moment I treasure  
  
Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream would never do  
I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
  
Laying close to you  
Feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
I just wanna stay with you  
In this moment forever, forever and ever  
  
Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream would never do  
I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
  
I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
I just wanna be with you  
Right here with you, just like this  
I just wanna hold you close  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
And just stay here in this moment  
For all the rest of time  
  
Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream would never do  
'Cause I'd still miss you, baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
  
*********  
  
The Healer...  
  
The young woman peered at the young man sitting on the bench. By the looks of it, it had appeared as though he had slept at the park all night.  
  
Odd. That's what he was. Odd and weird. Maybe even mysterious.  
  
She had just moved from New York a few weeks ago and had happened to stay in the building right across from his. She had seen him a few times from her bedroom window, a bedroom window that just happened to be located right across his own bedroom window. He probably didn't even know she existed; but then again, she suspected that he lived off in his own little world and didn't know that anything but he and his little world existed.  
  
Unfortunately for her, she still didn't know anybody at Roswell. But maybe that was her fault. She hadn't left her room much; she didn't want to run into trouble like she had in New York. And so she had spent most of her days bored to death locked up inside her room. Even at night, insomnia would make sure to cloud her mind and prevent her from getting her well- deserved sleep. Meaningless thought would tap against her mind over and over again with such a fury that made it impossible for her to sleep. So boredom would make sure she would be looking out her window during the midnight hours of each night. And of course, his window was always open, giving her a clear view of his bedroom. Why he would leave his window open on a cold December night was beyond her. But then again, this was the Odd guy she was talking about here.  
  
Nothing he did surprised her anymore. If he wasn't pacing around in his room during the midnight hours, he would be walking around the streets, roaming around the streets. She had spotted him several times at the park that was right next to his building. What was a grown-up guy doing at the park during the midnight hours was also beyond her. He was Odd, maybe that would also explain it.  
  
She stretched her neck to get a better look of the Odd man. He was cute. Sexy. His wild hair was untamable and his lips were those of a sinner. He was everything her mother has warned her about. Or at least he seemed that way; it was not like she actually knew him. But something told her that her instincts were right and he was the kind she should stay away from. He was mysterious and weird. For all she knew, he probably belonged to some mob. Maybe he was even a drug dealer! He was Odd very Odd.  
  
She sighed and closed the curtains. She had enough with odd men. In fact, she had enough with all men. Didn't want them. Didn't need them. It was better to live without them. They'd just hurt her; they all did. Yep, it was better to stay away from them, especially the Odd ones.  
  
She frowned and peeked out her window one last time. Who was she kidding? She couldn't stay away from them if she tried. It must have been written somewhere in the stars that she would be attracted to Odd men. It had happened in New York and it seemed to already be happening in Roswell.  
  
Faith wanted to deal her a bad hand again. But why? Couldn't faith see she was already hurt? Couldn't faith see that the last relationship had left her devastated? She had wanted his love and got his betrayal instead. He had been Odd from the very beginning but she had ignored the signs and had fallen for him. Now, the story couldn't repeat itself. What kind of games was destiny playing with her? All she wanted was a nice normal man that could give her love, the love she yearned for and ached. Love. Not Hurt. Love. So why? Why couldn't she find it?  
  
I need love, love  
To ease my mind  
I need to find, find someone to call mine  
But mama said  
  
You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take  
  
You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
You got to trust, give it time  
No matter how long it takes  
  
But how many heartaches  
Must I stand before I find a love  
To let me live again  
Right now the only thing  
That keeps me hangin' on  
When I feel my strength, yeah  
It's almost gone  
I remember mama said:  
  
You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take  
  
How long must I wait  
How much more can I take  
Before loneliness will cause my heart  
Heart to break?  
  
No I can't bear to live my life alone  
I grow impatient for a love to call my own  
But when I feel that I, I can't go on  
These precious words keeps me hangin' on  
I remember mama said:  
  
You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take  
  
You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said trust, give it time  
No matter how long it takes  
  
No, love, love, don't come easy  
But I keep on waiting  
Anticipating for that soft voice  
To talk to me at night  
For some tender arms  
To hold me tight  
I keep waiting  
I keep on waiting  
But it ain't easy  
It ain't easy  
But mama said:  
  
You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said to trust, give it time  
No matter how long it takes  
  
You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take  
  
TBC... 


	2. Part Two

The Scarred, the Wounded, and the Healer  
  
Part Two  
  
The Healer.  
  
She looked up at the sky that was filled with thousands of twinkling stars and gave it a tight smile. The time when she, the seas, the earth, and the skies were one was long gone. She was alone now; she had divorced nature sometime during her childhood. She had also divorced everything else since then.  
  
As a little girl, she would sneak out at night and witness the ancient dance between the seas, the earth, and the shore. They would dance in a rhythm that only they could understand as the seas pounded seductively against the earth's warm sand and she, in return, would follow the sea's rhythm by slowly swaying back and forth between waves. She guessed it was beautiful but, in truth, she longed to be a part of it rather than just witness it. She longed to be a part of the earth, a part of the seas, a part of the heavens.  
  
She could remember how the skies would be filled with thousands of twinkling stars, each star shinning so brightly as it illuminated the heavens above. So many nights she had reached out toward the skies, wanting to catch a star with her tiny hands. And every night she would fail as she realized that she was too small to reach the diamonds in the skies. Maybe one day she would be big enough to reach them all, and maybe then she would be able to take the stars and throw them out to the sea. There, they wouldn't be so alone; there, they would be with her.  
  
Her momma had once told her that her daddy was an angel who was always watching her from up above. So every night that she sneaked out to witness the dancing between the earth and the seas, she would also look up at the skies and look for her papa. But he was never there. At least, she could never see him. Maybe her daddy was sleeping out there, or maybe he was just hiding behind that big thick blanket of darkness she liked to call the sky.  
  
When her best friend, Alex, died from leukemia in the first grade, she had believed that he, too, was with her papa. Together, they would be watching her from the infinite skies above. She always preferred to think that they were sitting together on the moon. It was always so much easier to imagine them sitting on the silver moon rather than on the little diamonds that covered the night sky.  
  
She remembered how sad she felt as she imagined them all alone up there. And though the moon seemed to follow her everywhere she went, sometimes she had to go back inside her house and leave the moon, her daddy, and Alex outside sitting on that silk blanket of darkness. Poor Alex. He had always been afraid of the dark, and now he was covered with a blanket of darkness. Maybe her papa would read him a bedtime story while they sat up there on the moon. Maybe he had plugged in a night-light for Alex so he wouldn't be scared at night; and maybe that was the reason the moon shined so brightly. Either way, she had still not liked the idea of them alone out there. So she would sneak out every night to keep them company. She'd climb up the cliffs so they could see her better and she would then wave at them. She had assumed they saw her because she could always see the moon. If she could see the moon, then they could see her too. Together, they would keep themselves company.  
  
But those nights came and went just as her childhood had come and went. In time, she would soon find herself doubting everything her mother had told her. They wouldn't be up there. No one ever was. The moon was alone with not a single being keeping her company. The earth would keep to herself as did the sea, no more nightly dances. And her father and Alex.she didn't know. She did not know whether or not she believed in angels anymore. Maybe death marked an end to life and there was no greater life afterwards. Maybe everyone was alone after death just the way she was alone down here on Earth. No one was loved, especially not her. Everyone was alone, especially her.  
  
She sighed and kept on driving, breaking away from the memories that clouded her mind. It was a calm and silent night, but the emotions that ran through her body were anything but calm, much less silent. No, they tapped and tapped against the inner walls of her mind, begging to be released. And finding no way to release them, she had decided to go out for a long drive.  
  
Honestly, she didn't have a clue of where she was, much less of where she was going. By the signs of it, she still appeared to be pretty close to Roswell. But Roswell or no Roswell, she kept on driving. Her mother had always told her never to drive when her emotions were all over the place. Apparently her mother had forgotten that her emotions were always all over the place.  
  
She sighed and hit the petal of her silver sports car, allowing speed to be the companion she had so much sought after. She pressed the petal harder as the scenery started to become nothing but swirls of colors rapidly fading behind her. She pressed it even harder as she felt the rush her body went through as it fought against the laws of physics.  
  
*****  
  
The Wounded.  
  
She sat on the stool next to his window, poking her head outside and soaking in the night's breeze. He had been looking at the mirror again and having gone through this so many nights before, she gave him his space again. It was what she knew he needed.  
  
She rested her head against the window's cool glass as she watched him run his fingers along the collar of his shirt just like he had done so many nights. She closed her eyes and watched it all unfold. She knew it all by memory now. He would start by running his fingers along his collar until they would find a way to his buttons. They would then slowly begin unbuttoning his shirt until he was able to see all of it. The Scar.  
  
He ran his fingers smoothly along the scar and starred at it intently. He liked to torture himself. She could think of no other reason for why he would obsess himself with it. He liked to torture himself by looking at it on a daily basis and remind himself of the change that had occurred not only in his body but also in his soul. He would look in the mirror for hours, starring intently at the man he had become, starring intently at the only thing left from her.the scar.  
  
It took residence at the upper portion of his body, running from the nook of his neck all the way down to the top right of his chest. It had been a deep cut; shards of glass from the accident had penetrated through his skin and left him a physical reminder of the horror from that night. It was an intricate weaving of the wound that he had suffered, and though the scar had covered up the wound that had left him bleeding inside, it had still altered his appearance, it had altered his body. Never would his body be the same; for now the scar was a part of his body.  
  
And he wouldn't have it any other way. The scar was supposed to be there. It was supposed to remind him on a daily basis that he was not dead yet; that he had survived the tragedy. It was supposed to remind him on a daily basis that he had lost her and lost himself in the process.  
  
She sighed as she watched him sinking into a world of memories. The scar always did that to him. She stood up from her chair and slowly walked up to him. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, standing perfectly still and looking into the mirror just the way he was doing.  
  
She saddened at the realization that not even the mirror could see her. It was as though she no longer existed. What happened when a mirror no longer reflected a being? When a man no longer felt his lover's presence? When even the heavens above had seemed to close in on her? What did she do when she was beyond death?  
  
She was dead. She knew that. The mirror's inabilities to give her back her reflection, the tomb that waited for her patiently at the quiet graveyard, her lover's nightly sobs rocking him to sleep. all were a constant reminder that she was dead. And every night, she would pray to the heavens above to give her life.to give her one more opportunity to be with the man she loved, to let her have another last kiss. And just the way he woke up with disappointment after finding out that he was not dead yet, she would also commence her morning with a shattering ache at the realization that the heavens had not granted her prayers.  
  
And standing there with him, gazing into the mirror, she didn't know what wounded her more. witnessing the tears and ache of the only man she had ever loved, or knowing that she no longer existed in this world, that she no longer co-existed with him in this life. Perhaps, that was the greatest ache of all.to know that they now belonged in separate worlds, and that even though she was his angel, he still did not feel her. Maybe today he ached over losing her. But what about tomorrow? If today he did not feel her, tomorrow would he forget her? Would he forget her just the way the mirror had already forgotten her? Would he cease to love her just the way he had ceased to feel her presence? Would she die again in the process just like she had died every morning since her death?  
  
She closed her eyes, brought her lips to his scar, and placed soft kisses across it. She needed to feel his skin beneath her lips once more. She ran her hands along the smooth skin of his chest, wanting to remember what it all felt like. She caressed his skin and kissed his neck just the way he had liked it. She continued her trail of kisses from his neck, down to his chest, paying special attention to his heart. She then brought her ears down to his heart and heard it beating.beating.beating. It was taunting her. It was life, a life she no longer had.  
  
She sighed. What was the use? He didn't feel her kisses anyway. The passion that she so desperately tried to give him died somewhere along the bridge between her heart and his. And it wounded her. Every day it wounded her. She didn't have a scar like him; her wounds could not heal and scar the way his had done. For every day that he did not feel her love, her wounds bled with a greater intensity than the day before. Everyday of death that went by would open her wounds a little more, preventing them from ever healing or ever even scarring.  
  
She cupped his face in her hands as her gaze landed in the pool of his honey-filled eyes. She tried to read his emotions. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? All the emotions passed through his eyes so quickly that she did not know where one ended and the next began. Sadness.confusion.yearning.hope.impatience.irritation, and..  
  
Death?  
  
She shook her head as realization dawned upon her. No, it couldn't be. She cupped his face again and looked back into his eyes. But, no, she was not mistaking. It was there; it was now his predominate thought.  
  
"No, Michael," she whispered. "Please don't."  
  
But determination had set upon his features and her pleads fell upon silent ears.  
  
"No," she cried as she followed a determined Michael out the door. She ran as fast as her small feet would take her as she tried to catch up to him. "Michael!" she yelled.  
  
But he didn't hear her. He never did. "Michael, please!" she pleaded. "You don't want to do this. You don't! You don't! You don't!" she yelled after him.  
  
He got inside his red SUV. He slammed the door. He turned on his ignition. He began to drive. His aura darkened as fast as the SUV gained speed.  
  
The tears that had been threatening to spill earlier were now falling without inhibitions as she watched him drive erratically. He didn't even have a seat belt! "Michael! Listen to me, Dammit!" she cried.  
  
Why was he doing this? He knew the rules. He knew this wasn't the way. "Michael!" she sobbed. "Listen to me! Oh God, please listen to me.this isn't the way," she pleaded.  
  
"You cannot bestow it upon yourself. It has to come naturally, we will not end up together otherwise." She was loosing him. The more erratically he drove and the faster speed the SUV gained, the quicker she was loosing him.  
  
She looked up at the heavens and began to pray. It had never worked when she prayed to be alive again. It had never worked when she prayed for another last kiss. But tonight.she prayed for her prayers, she prayed for his well-being and she prayed for his soul.  
  
******  
  
The Scarred.  
  
The sound of the screeching tires echoed violently through the empty night, awaking all creatures from their deepest slumber. The speed that had become his newest companion danced wickedly with the laws of physics as they pulled on his skin. Blood rushed vigorously through his body and reacquainted itself with his rapidly beating heart. Even the black road that had once ran for an eternity was now swallowed by his speed.  
  
He lifted his gaze for a moment and focused it on the skies above. Even the stars seemed to have stopped twinkling as they held their breaths and watched his erratic behavior from up above. The darkness that took hold over the heavens also watched him intently. It was watching him; it was daring him. And not being one to back away from a dare, he pushed the petal with greater fury.  
  
Not tonight, tonight he would not surrender. Tonight, he would win the war. Tonight he had received the last knockdown. He was tired of fighting and he was ready to win.  
  
He opened the window and brought his hand out. He felt the wind joining forces with the speed; together, they fought violently against the flesh of his hand. Their forces was strong against his flesh but he would not surrender to them. He kept on running against the wind, kept on swallowing the road ahead, and kept on watching the daring darkness. They were strong. But so was he. Tonight, he was starving for revenge against nature. Tonight, he was thirsty to heal his pain.  
  
He was almost there. A few more seconds and he would be there.  
  
He rushed through the road and swerved at the curve. And then.he finally began to see them.  
  
Her Chicken Tree, her Elephant Mountain, the Cliff.  
  
"Chicken!" she spat as she swapped him playfully across his shoulder.  
  
"No chicken," he growled, keeping one eyes focused on the road and the other at her. He noticed how her green emerald eyes started to sparkle with anger. God, did she ever back down from an argument? They would argue about the simplest things and yet he would always love it. It meant he got to see her all riled up.  
  
"Chicken!"  
  
"It's a tree, okay?"  
  
"Michael, it's such a chicken! Look at it," she pointed. "Now, the little palm thingies hanging from the left are the feathers, you see them, Michael? They are right there," she pointed. She leaned her head further and looked at the tree harder, her eyebrows scrunched up, deep in concentration. "Now, the little sticks poking out from the top is the chicken's head."  
  
He looked at her and smiled. She was so cute. She was so perfect. So sexy.his gaze automatically fell on her pouty lips. It took all his strength not to pull over and kiss her long and hard.  
  
"Michael? Michael.?" she demanded. "Michael? Are you even listening to me?" she asked, somewhat annoyed.  
  
"You're beautiful."  
  
She looked at him in surprise. A blush crept up her cheeks as she shyly turned her gaze away from him and looked out the window at her Chicken Tree. How she could quickly go from his sexy loud-mouthed vixen to his sweet and shy baby girl never ceased to puzzle him.  
  
"You're just saying that 'cuz you don't want to admit that it's a chicken."  
  
He looked at her and chuckled. "You can see through me that easily, huh?"  
  
"Yep." she simply answered. She then looked out the window again and began to bounce on her seat. "My elephant! My Elephant! Michael, you see it?"  
  
"Baby, that's a mountain."  
  
"Elephant," she argued. "Oh! Oh! Oh! I have an idea!" she chirped happily. "What do you say we come here tomorrow?"  
  
"To a Mountain? Why a mountain?" he asked, a little confused.  
  
"Pweeeeeease?" she pleaded, giving him her sexiest pout. God, she always knew how to get to him. She was evil. Pure evil.  
  
"What are we going to do at a mountain?"  
  
"I don't know," she smiled. "We could do.stuff?" she smirked as ideas danced wickedly inside the pools of her emerald eyes.  
  
He gulped. Did she just say. 'Stuff'?  
  
Engulfed in the agony of his memories, Michael pulled over to a complete stop at the side of the road. Sure enough, they were still there. Her Elephant Mountain and her Chicken Tree. They stood there patiently as the skies above seemed to take their side in this never-ending war. Michael cursed in anger. Of course, her Elephant and her Chicken had to also be a part of nature. They too, would have to be his enemies. And so they, too, glared at him. They, too, played with him. They played with his soul. They were also his enemy in this war that he had engaged in and had time and time again. They, too, knew his memories well. They, too, knew what was coming ahead. And for the last seven months, they had never ceased to remind him; for every time he stood right before this mountain and this tree, he couldn't help but be bombarded with memories of a happier life that was now lost and gone forever.  
  
"You took her away from me!" he yelled to them all as he pounded vigorously against his steering wheel.  
  
"Give her back!" he yelled. "Give her to me! I want her back," he cried.  
  
They listened to his demands and yet made no signs of giving him back what he most wanted. So he looked up once again. He looked up, past the silver moon to which he had propelled his dreams, past the stars that had long-ago stopped twinkling, past the skies that had denied him his love for the past seven months. He looked past all the heavens and tried to look for her.  
  
"It's your Chicken," he sniffed. He looked up at the heavens. Nothing.  
  
"It's your Elephant Mountain," he choked. "Please.tell them to bring you back to me," he whispered.  
  
"Please!" he demanded, "Come back to me!"  
  
He starred at the heavens, waiting for her. Maybe the heavens hated him. Maybe they were engaged in a war. But her? Not her. She loved him, he would take his side. She would answer.she would come back.  
  
But several minutes passed and she still showed no signs of answering. But he waited.  
  
And he kept on waiting. He waited for her. She would come back.  
  
Time seemed to cease running as the moon began to hide behind her Elephant Mountain. But still, she wasn't here. So he kept on waiting. Shadows engulfed the valleys and the night's chill grew colder as the night grew older.  
  
Still, she hadn't come.  
  
She was like them. She was exactly like them. She wanted to hurt him too.  
  
"Fine then," he yelled at her. "Hurt me!" He wiped the tears that had made their way down his cheek. "Hurt me just like them!"  
  
"Stay with them," he whispered. "But I'll be joining you tonight."  
  
He looked at his enemies one last time. He gripped the steering wheel with such a feverish hold that his knuckles soon met crimson as he looked at them with a pure hatred that ran violently through his body. They glared and kept attacking him with memories. Memories. The skies fought him with power. They taunted him. But this mountain and this tree fought him with memories, with the very same memories that killed him time and time again.  
  
She had been giggling at the face he had made when she had told him her plans at the mountain. If they hadn't been in a car, he would have bet anything that she would be rolling over in laughter.  
  
The emeralds in her eyes began to water and her face began to grow red from laughter.  
  
He looked over at her, completely lost in her spirit. And as he listened to her laughter, he knew he couldn't ever love anyone else like he loved her. The stars were shining brightly above them, joining her in her laughter. Even the moon smiled as it guided them and illuminated the road with a silver glow. Heck, elephants and chickens were also laughing. He knew right then that he couldn't be happier.  
  
All of the sudden, her laughter stopped and she was looking at him intently. She had gone from laughing to seducing. She was his sexy vixen again. The spark in her eyes was one of passion and the pleading of her lips was one of lust.  
  
"Kiss me?"  
  
"Baby.I."  
  
"Please? I just need to feel that you lo."  
  
"I'm driving."  
  
She nodded as the spark in her eyes died and hurt substituted its place. " I know. I'm sorry, I should have known better," she said as she leaned back in her seat. "Do you love me, Michael?"  
  
"You know I do," he whispered.  
  
"But why don't you ever say it?"  
  
"Listen, as soon as we get home we'll."  
  
The two sets of headlights coming straight at him cut him off short.  
  
A trailer.  
  
A motorcycle.  
  
Lights. Brighter. Brighter.  
  
Too much.  
  
Too little time.  
  
A loud scream.  
  
He veered out of the way as he hit the breaks with all his might. He missed the trailer. He missed the motorcycle. The car swerved out of control.  
  
A cliff.  
  
A deafening sound of screeching tires.  
  
A piercing sound of shattering glass.  
  
Another painful Scream.  
  
And then there was Silence.  
  
Seconds passed. Minutes passed. Maybe an eternity. He woke up startled in a cloud of smoke. The shattering noise that he had heard earlier was now replaced by an eerie silence. Pieces of glass lied scattered through out the car and the road in which he had once traveled was now no where to be seen. His car was now at the bottom of a cliff as it had collided into a tree.  
  
His baby! Where was she? Her seat was empty. Where was she? Only nature, as its witness, knew for how long he had been unconscious. Where was she? The warm blood soaking through his shirt and trickling down his chest was the result of several pieces of broken glass puncturing through his skin. Where was she? His head was spinning in circles. Where was she?  
  
Where was she?  
  
Where was she?  
  
He screamed her name but was greeted with silence. He desperately ran out of the car, ignoring the glass in his chest that pierced deeper into his skin with every one of his moments. Where was she?  
  
The seconds that had elapsed as he tried to find her soon felt like an eternity. But there, right before him, consumed by the darkness, he found her body. Limp, without any signs of life whatsoever. He killed her! He killed her and he hadn't even told her he loved her.  
  
He frantically ran by her side. Blood. There was so much blood. She was so warm. It was her blood. It was her blood what was so warm. He lifted her head and looked into her eyes. He saw her eyes fluttering and thanked the heavens above. Alive. She was alive. She was not dead. Everything would be all right.  
  
He held her close to his body, unwilling to let go of her for even a second. Help. He needed help. He looked around but everything was deserted. Even the skies had seemed to turn its back against him as dark clouds started to move in.  
  
"Help!" he yelled. "Anyone out there? Help." he choked. "This can't be happening," he cried. "My baby is dying and."  
  
"Michael," he heard a faint whisper. She grasped his arm and held it tightly, squeezing it gently.  
  
He looked back down at her; back down at the face he loved so much and that he was so rapidly losing.  
  
"Shhh, Baby. It's gonna be alright okay? It's gonna be alright." He stroked her hair and held her tight. She was trembling so badly, so so badly. "It's going to be alright. It's going to be alright," he repeated. "We're going to go home and it's going to be alright."  
  
"Michael? Please." she choked.  
  
"It's going to be alright. You trust me?" he asked, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill.  
  
"I don't want to die, Michael," she cried. "Please don't let me die."  
  
"You wont, I promise, baby. You won't die," he whispered, biting his lower lip as the knot in his throat tightened.  
  
"I.there's still.there's still so many.many things we need.need to do," she whispered.  
  
He held her closer and nodded. She was breathing very heavily and her body couldn't stop trembling. He could feel her warm blood mixing with his. It wouldn't stop. Her blood would not stop.  
  
"I love you, Michael."  
  
Tears that had once been foreigners to the territory of his eyes now spilled uncontrollably. "Baby, don't.please don't talk. Listen, the ambulance will be here in a minute and it's all going to be alright."  
  
"W.will.will.y.you.love.me.a.aft.after.death?" she choked, wincing at the pain that ran through her body.  
  
"Dammit, Baby, Don't do this," he yelled. "I need you!" He cried. "Don't leave me! Please! Don't leave me!" He could feel her dying. His love was dying in his arms. He felt her eyes start to close and the strength that it took her to hold on to his hand became weaker and weaker. And as her strength fled so did her ability to breathe.  
  
"I ."she gasped for air, "I.w.wont .l.leave. I'll al.always.always be.he.he. here for you, Mi.Michael. Always." She gave him a reassuring smile and tried to squeeze his hand with the little strength she had left.  
  
"But I love you so much. So so much." He held on tightly to her hand as he watched death take over her body.  
  
She smiled weakly. She knew. "Kiss me, Mi.Michael."  
  
He looked down at her pain-stricken face, sadness evident in his eyes. He tried to swallow her face with his sight, never wanting to forget a single thing about her. He couldn't go on any more. He was dying as she died in his arms. He was dying. Yet caught in the precipice of his agony, he nodded. For she had pleaded and he would obey.  
  
During her final moments, he continued to tightly clutch her cold trembling hand as he brought his warm lips down to hers in a tender kiss. But half- way during his kiss, the tenderness with which he had started soon became passion. He kissed her long and hard just the way he had wanted to do while they had been in the car. His tongue fought for dominance, dominance for her life. It was about control. He needed control. He would not let her die. He needed her. He loved her. And then.her hand lost its final grip.  
  
He pulled away and looked into her eyes. They were empty. She was gone.  
  
He looked down at her perfectly still body. He stroked her face gently and let out a piercing cry of agony. And looking down on that perfectly still figure laying his arms, he allowed himself to cry harder. But he loved her! she couldn't leave! Had he told her that? Had he told her he loved her? He clutched her body closer to his as he cried harder.  
  
"I love you!" he screamed.  
  
"I love you! I love you! I love you!" he screamed louder.  
  
And nothing but the memories of his screaming had echoed through night. And that's how he stayed. Crying over her lifeless body as her blood still penetrated through his shirt. It was over her lifeless body that he allowed his own body to shake with uncontrollable sobs as he screamed her name over and over again, an action he would soon become accustomed to. He had lost her and lost his life in the process.  
  
Michael starred at the empty road before him. He starred at the tree, the mountain, and the cliff that had stolen her. He looked up at the daring darkness. He looked at the dull stars and the laughing silver moon. Up to this day, he had been dead. They had long killed him.  
  
He looked at the road once more and started the engine to his SUV. An accident that had happened seven months ago in this very place would repeat itself again tonight. The SUV would fall the way his car had done. This time, however, it would be different. Tonight, he would not be a survivor. Tonight, he would not have someone to lose. Tonight, he would not be left empty. Tonight, he would be with her. Tonight he would win the war.  
  
The cliff was finally here. He just had to swerve. He looked up at the sky and smiled; whipping away the final tears his eyes would shed. "We'll meet again tonight, baby."  
  
He prepared himself for the accident to repeat itself; knowing that after he swerved the car toward the side of the cliff everything would happen too fast for his mind to comprehend.  
  
And surely, it did.  
  
The sound of the screeching tires.  
  
The deafening sound of the breaking glass.  
  
The sight of a silver sports car colliding right into him.  
  
This time, the last sound echoing through his head as he swerved toward the cliff was not the painful scream of his long-lost love. This time, it was the piercing scream of another female. It was the piercing scream of that female in that silver sports car. 


	3. Part Three

The Scarred and the Healer.  
  
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
  
You don't know how lovely you are  
  
I had to find you  
  
Tell you I need you  
  
Tell you I set you apart  
  
Tell me your secrets  
  
And ask me you questions  
  
Oh let's go back to the start  
  
Running in circles  
  
Coming in tales  
  
Heads are a science apart  
  
Nobody said it was easy  
  
It's such a shame for us to part  
  
Nobody said it was easy  
  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
  
Oh take me back to the start  
  
I was just guessing  
  
At numbers and figures  
  
Pulling your puzzles apart  
  
Questions of science  
  
Science and progress  
  
Do not speak as loud as my heart  
  
Tell me you love me  
  
Come back and haunt me  
  
Oh and I rush to the start  
  
Running in circles  
  
Chasing tails  
  
And coming back as we are  
  
Nobody said it was easy  
  
Oh it's such a shame for us to part  
  
Nobody said it was easy  
  
No one ever said it would be so hard  
  
I'm going back to the start  
  
He was not dead.  
  
He was not dead. The female. She was not dead. She was not dead. He didn't kill her.  
  
He had woken up in another cloud of smoke, the idea that he had killed her had been the first thing that had popped into his mind. He was not dead but he had killed her.he had killed someone again. He had searched frantically for her until he found her, coughing a bit as she stood next to her car.  
  
She had been standing; she had not been lying on the floor. She had been standing.  
  
He looked up startled as he broke away from his trance and quickly pulled her to him, looking for any signs of blood. He spun her around and ran his hands all over her body, trying to feel for any wounds, any signs that she was hurt. He spun her around one more time, ignoring the protests and whappings from the petite woman. He needed to know he hadn't killed her. He needed to know she was okay.  
  
He squeezed her arms tightly, and brought his hands down to her elbows, making sure they were not broken. But the young woman yelped in pain.  
  
She was hurt.  
  
He looked at her startled. "You're in pain," he whispered. He had hurt her.  
  
"Of course, I'm in pain," she spat, "you would be too if your arm was being squeezes brusquely by somebody twice your size!"  
  
He looked up at her, guilt evident in his eyes. "I.I'm sorry.I thought that."  
  
".that what?" she asked curiously.  
  
"That.that you were hurt," he admitted.  
  
She looked at him and chuckled, slowly shaking her head. He was concerned for her, he realized. The annoyance that she had just had when this stranger had touched her was gone and was now replaced by a small smile. "Don't worry. I'm fine," she told him truthfully. "I could have almost died but nothing happened, we just."  
  
He suddenly grabbed her again and pulled her against his strong chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he cried. "I.oh god, I almost killed you.I..."  
  
He stopped mid-sentence and once again roamed his eyes all over her body, making sure once again needing to check that she was okay.  
  
After confirming that she had no wounds and that nothing hurt, the young man suddenly slumped down on his knees and broke down crying. "I.I almost killed you," he cried. "I almost killed you."  
  
She looked at the young man sadly. "It wasn't your fault," she whispered, trying to make him feel better. But he kept on crying. She had recognized him as the Odd Man across the street; he was the very same man whom she had sneaked on every single night. She sighed and hugged the Odd man tightly as he cried against her chest, his tears soaking through the thin fabric of her shirt. How she wished she could take away his pain. How wished she knew what troubles this man was going through.  
  
He kept on crying in the arms of this young woman whom up until this night he had never known. A woman he had almost killed. If it weren't for the fact that pain had been running through his heart with such an intense and feverish hold on his, he might have been a bit self-conscious. But tonight, the reasons for which his heart wept were bigger than himself. Tonight, had failed in dying. Even worse, he had almost killed an innocent woman.  
  
And so here he was, crying against the chest of this stranger. She was so warm.so incredibly warm. She was just like her. Soft and warm. He suddenly looked up into her eyes for the first time.  
  
Her Eyes. Emerald Green. They were so similar to.  
  
"Liahnica?" he whispered, wiping away the tears that had fallen from his eyes.  
  
No, it couldn't possibly be.she was dead. He would never ever see her again. She.  
  
"Excuse me?" the young woman asked, rather confused.  
  
"Liahnica," he smiled, looking into her eyes once again.  
  
They were so similar. They same emerald green. The same spark but. These eyes were Alive.  
  
It was not her. She was an imposter, he realized. She was trying to kill him with her games; tease him with her similarity. What was this woman up to? Why was she doing this to him? Couldn't she see how hurt he was?  
  
An imposter. She was an imposter. An imposter who just wanted to play with his feeling. An imposter who got in the way of his death tonight. An imposter who got in his way from being with his love.  
  
She looked down at the stranger who had now suddenly stopped crying. He was looking at her intently and she could not help but heel uncomfortable under his penetrating gaze. She was beginning to realize the Odd Man was even Odder than she has expected; first driving in the wrong lane, then crashing in to her, suddenly breaking down crying.  
  
"You're not her," he finally said, in a voice she could hardly hear.  
  
Confusion crossed her eyes momentarily, "I am not who?"  
  
"Stop it," he told her firmly, wiping away the last of his tears. "I am in no mood for games, woman."  
  
"It's Maria. Not 'woman;' Maria."  
  
"Imposter."  
  
"I.what are you talking about?"  
  
"Why are you doing this?" he yelled, looking at her with a spark of fear in his eyes. "Just go away," he said as he started to back away from her. "Go away! Go away! Don't come near me. Just."  
  
"Excuse me," she interrupted, "but how the hell am I supposed to know what you're talking about? First you crash into me, practically killing me; and then you."  
  
"God, shut up!" he yelled. "Shut up, shut up, shut up," he kept on repeating. "Leave me alone! Just leave me alone," he kept on yelling as he ran away from her.  
  
*************  
  
The Healer.  
  
She hesitantly looked into the mirror, once again hoping that the girl that starred back at her was someone different. But once again, she was let down as the girl that starred back at her was the same girl that had starred back at her yesterday, it was the same girl that had starred back at her for years.  
  
Maria sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against the cool glass of her bedroom mirror. The Mirror. He had seen it all. He had witnessed her nocturnal tears. He had seen every one of her movements and had captured every one of her actions. He was a secret spy, hiding quietly behind her bedroom door as he took in every one of her features and made them his secrets. Secrets that he was ready to spill as soon as she just looked at him.  
  
He held no pity; for he was her truth. A truth that taunted her on a daily basis. He was a daily taunt she could not escape. He was the reality she had tried so hard to run away from. He would give her some confidence and then rip it away from her carelessly as soon as he felt like it. He had her in his grip, controlling every one of her actions. She was but a slave of his strings.  
  
He had no mercy; for he would spell it all. He laughed at her every morning. He spoke harsh truths; truths that she did not want to hear. He had seen it all and was not discrete about it as he would reveal to her the secrets she was to afraid to see. So she tried to ignore him, but his screams would be too loud and she would not be able to run away.  
  
So now she stood before him, unable to walk away as she starred intently at the girl trapped inside the mirror. Ugly. That's how she felt. Ugly and grotesque. She sadly starred at the reflection of her body. Once again, it was distorted. The dark bags under her eyes greeted her with their presence as they rested comfortably along her pale face. Stubborn strands of hair once again seemed to have a mind of their own as they stuck this way and that. Her face, too, seemed to have grown grotesquely large and her mouth appeared to be but a big hole taking up nothing but space in her pale face. Her lips were huge, dull, and plain ugly. Perhaps she could make them less disgusting if she added a little bit of color.perhaps she wouldn't be as ugly if she were somebody else.  
  
She took a few steps back and turned her body slightly to the right in order to see herself better in the full length mirror. Her hips had seemed to have grown a few feet wider since yesterday. She tried to pull her shirt down a bit, hoping to cover up her distorted figure. But even the shirt seemed to have wanted to form a conspiracy against her body as it fit too tight on her now. She wasn't surprised though; according to the mirror, she always gained weight. Weight that in due time would make her look even more ugly.  
  
Had anyone else noticed her huge size? Had they noticed that the more her hips and stomach grew the flatter her chest appeared? Had they noticed the huge mountains covering her face as she vainly attempted to treat them with Neutrogena? She sighed and covered her head with her hands as she attempted to control the tears welling up in her puny little eyes. She couldn't cry. Not now. It would make her eyes look puffy and red.  
  
She couldn't cry.  
  
But she lost the war, and soon she found herself looking at a blurry reflection of herself in the mirror. Tears trickled down her cheeks and her eyes grew puffy and red. Things never went the way she wanted them too. Even when she prayed with all her might to be a bit decent, she was still ugly.  
  
Maybe that was the reason why she was now so lonely. Maybe that was the reason why she was now left behind and abandoned. They had abandoned her. All of them.  
  
Her father had died. Her best friend, Alex had also died. Her first boyfriend had left her for another girl. He had always been in love with his high school sweetheart but had finally decided to declare his love for her before she left to college and lost her forever. She never blamed him; for he was only going after his true love. But still, she had been abandoned. Left for someone else. Perhaps if it had only been them.perhaps she wouldn't feel this way. But every single boy that had come after him had also ended up leaving her for someone or something else.  
  
Maybe it was her fault for believing in men in the first place. How could she have believed that she would be good enough when she knew perfectly well that she was nothing? Never good enough. She was the ugly girl who everyone pitied and nobody liked. She was the fat. She was the ugly. She was the abandoned. She was Maria. the one always left behind.  
  
.even the Odd Man from across her building. even he had quickly seen that she was nothing. Even he ran and left her behind.  
  
Never win first place, I don't support the team  
  
I can't take direction, and my socks are never  
  
clean  
  
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me  
  
I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin'  
  
right  
  
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror  
  
I can't take the person starin' back at me  
  
I'm a hazard to myself  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
I'm my own worst enemy  
  
Its bad when you annoy yourself  
  
So irritating  
  
Don't wanna be my friend no more  
  
I wanna be somebody else  
  
I wanna be somebody else, yeah  
  
LA told me, "You'll be a pop star,  
  
All you have to change is everything you are."  
  
Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears  
  
She's so pretty, that just ain't me  
  
Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe  
  
somethin  
  
A day in the life of someone else?  
  
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
I'm my own worst enemy  
  
Its bad when you annoy yourself  
  
So irritating  
  
Don't wanna be my friend no more  
  
I wanna be somebody else  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
I'm my own worst enemy  
  
Its bad when you annoy yourself  
  
So irritating  
  
Don't wanna be my friend no more  
  
I wanna be somebody else  
  
Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe  
  
somethin  
  
A day in the life of someone else?  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
I'm my own worst enemy  
  
Its bad when you annoy yourself  
  
So irritating  
  
Don't wanna be my friend no more  
  
I wanna be somebody else  
  
**************************  
  
The Wounded.  
  
No mountain's too high for you to climb  
  
All you have to do is have some climbing faith  
  
No river's too wide for you to make it across  
  
All you have to do is believe it when you pray  
  
And then you will see the morning will come  
  
And every day will be bright as the sun  
  
All of your fears cast them on me  
  
I just want you to see  
  
I'll be your cloud up in the sky  
  
I'll be your shoulder when you cry  
  
I'll hear your voices when you call me  
  
I am your angel  
  
And when all hope is gone I'm here No matter how far you are I'm near  
  
It makes no difference who you are  
  
I am your angel, I'm your angel  
  
I saw your teardrops and I heard you cry  
  
All you need is time  
  
Seek me and you shall find  
  
You have everything and you're still lonely  
  
It don't have to be this way  
  
Let me show you a better day  
  
And then you will see the morning will come  
  
And all of your days will be bright as the sun  
  
So all of your fears just cast them on me  
  
how can I make you see?  
  
And when it's time to face the storm  
  
I'll be there by your side  
  
Grace will keep us safe and warm  
  
And I know we will survive  
  
And when it seems as if your end is drawing near  
  
Don't you dare give up the fight  
  
Just put your trust beyond the sky...  
  
She sat quietly at the hood of the SUV that had been left deserted at the bottom of the cliff. The sound of the screeching tires, the shattering of the glass, the echoes of the pain-filled screams.they had all now faded into the midnight's silence.  
  
She sighed. The consuming silence brought about by the darkness had always frightened her. Knowing that she was still awake even though all other creatures had long-ago fallen into unconsciousness made her feel as though she was breaking the rules that had long ago been set by nature; defying the hands of time that the sun and the moon had long ago prepared.  
  
Still, she found that she couldn't leave this place. The sound of silence allured her as did the trees and the mountains, the cliff and the stars. They kept her in place as she found that she wouldn't be able to walk away from this place if she tried. And so she sat here, quietly; lost in her thoughts as nature seemed to watch on.  
  
She hugged her knees and closed her eyes, letting her mind become a victim of the memories. It was different now. This time she was still sitting among the debris, watching as life spun around her. This time, her body had not been thrown out of the car. This time, she had not died.  
  
.Or perhaps she did. Perhaps reliving the accident did kill her. Yes, she had died again tonight. She had died again just the way she had died every single morning since the accident. But tonight was different. Tonight, she died as she watched the scene unfold. She had died whilst she was sitting in the passenger seat of Michael's SUV. She died at the mere thought of never being able to be with him again. She died as she watched the scene unfold again.  
  
She never realized it had traumatized her. She had guessed that the trauma was something Michael had carried in his shoulders. And so she stood by him time and time again, trying to help him with him wound, trying to help him with his scar. But her? She was traumatized as well. She was the wounded. And unlike Michael, she had never healed. Perhaps she didn't know she had a wound of trauma to begin with.  
  
"Alex." she whispered, suddenly feeling his presence behind her.  
  
"How'd you know I was here?" he smiled at her shyly.  
  
"I can feel you," she told him truthfully.  
  
He came toward her and climbed toward the hood of the SUV to sit beside her. "Why so sad?" he asked, wrapping his arm around her.  
  
"Not sad."  
  
"So you're gonna lie to me, now?" he raised his eyebrow, half-expecting her to deny it.  
  
She gave him a tight smile and sighed. "I don't want to be sad, Alex. I really don't."  
  
He ran his fingers through her golden strands of hair and sighed. "I know you don't, sweetie. Nobody wants to be sad. Not if we can help it," he whispered.  
  
She leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "But it hurts, Alex. It hurts so much."  
  
"Being in this place doesn't help, sweetie. You keep on coming back here but why? Why do you torture yourself like this?"  
  
"I.I couldn't leave," she admitted. "Being here brings so many memories, Alex, so many." she whispered as she played with her hands, trying to keep herself from crying. ".And tonight, when I found myself going through the accident again I just .I couldn't leave. I guess I just.I don't know," she sighed, "I don't know anything no more."  
  
"Tell me, Liahnica," Alex urged her to continue, "Tell me how it feels."  
  
She lifted her head up and looked at him through teary eyes. "I feel guilty," she told him truthfully. "Every time he asks why I left I feel guilty.like I failed him. And that hurts. It hurts to know that you've hurt the person you most love," she sniffed, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill.  
  
"It was not in your hands," he said softly, wiping away the lone tear that had trickled down from the pool of her emerald eyes.  
  
"Alex, when he was in that SUV.when he was about to dive down the cliff.I knew I would never be with him again," she cried. "I knew that by him seeking his own death we would never be together again. I would lose him," she choked as her tears started to become sobs. "And that feeling.to know you'll never be with your lover again is the worst feeling in the world. I was only able to feel it for a moment before he dived down the cliff.but even in that brief moment, I felt like I died, Alex, oh god, I felt like I died. I died again."  
  
Alex held her close and comforted her as her sobs shook through her frail body. "He loves you so much, Liahnica. And he would give anything to be with you again. You did not fail him."  
  
".but.but I did," she insisted. "Don't you understand?" she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked into Alex's eyes. "For the first time I actually felt what he felt! I actually felt what he goes through everyday, thinking that he'll never be with the one person most loves."  
  
"You aren't able to be with him either, Liahnica. You hurt too."  
  
She shook her head, wiping away the tears that kept on falling from her eyes. "I may not be alive, but I can still see him. I can still feel him, Alex. And that makes a world of difference...Being able to see him helps me with my ache. But him? What heals his ache?"  
  
"Liahnica."  
  
"No, Alex," she insisted. "I'm not done."  
  
Alex nodded and let her continue.  
  
"I'm his angel but he doesn't know it. He doesn't believe in angels, he doesn't believe in God. He doesn't know I'm right by his side. He thinks he lost me forever. Everyday he lives with the sentiment that I lived with for just a few moments."  
  
"But you live with that feeling everyday, Liahnica. You didn't live with them for just a few moments."  
  
"But his hurt is so much bigger." she sniffed. "And I caused it all. I hurt him. It hurts me to know I hurt him. It hurts me to know he cannot feel me. It hurts me to feel hurt."  
  
"Then stop the hurt, Liahnica. Stop it all," he whispered. "You know that the doors to heaven are still open for you, Liahnica.you won't hurt no more."  
  
She looked at him and shook her head, wrapping her arms tighter around her body. "I can't," she whispered. "I will not leave him behind, Alex. I..I just can't. To keep him from hurting I'll turn my back on heaven time and time again, Alex. But not even like that," she cried, "not even like that I can stop him from hurting."  
  
Alex looked at her and brought her body closer to his, hugging her tighter.  
  
And she accepted his embraced. Welcomed the embrace that she had needed for so long and the world had refused to grant her. And so she clung on to him. She clung to him like a lifeline. And he didn't object. Instead, he kept on holding her tightly as her body rocked with sobs, kept on whispering soothing words into her ears as the sounds of her pain-filled cries echoes through the night.  
  
Perhaps it was the fact that she had not talked to anyone in a long time. Perhaps it was the fact that she had just gone through another accident before she even got over the first one. Maybe it was the fact that her wounds were opening more internal wounds every single day. But for some reason, with heaven as her witness, and darkness as her guide, she allowed herself to cry. She allowed herself to really cry. The tears that had been hiding under the surface of her wounds for so long finally found an escape. The hurt that had been welling up inside her finally let go of its cowardice as it reacquainted itself with the feeling of being free again. And though the next morning she would most likely wake up with more ache welled up inside the chambers of her heart, tonight she just let it out.  
  
And that's how she stayed, clung to Alex as she slowly drifted to sleep; the sleep she had denied herself since her death. How could one creature be so intent in healing the wounds of others when she, herself, perhaps had the greatest wound of them all never ceased to puzzle him. But for tonight, he allowed himself to be her healer, be the healer that she didn't knew she needed; be the healer that will help her heal her wounds with something other than pain. Tonight, he would be her comfort as she slept. Tonight he would be an angel's angel. Tomorrow.tomorrow would be another day. 


End file.
